Dear Celery,
Why are you so disgusting? Seriously. Also – why do you exist? You taste so bad, and your texture is so stringy, and you are a droopy shade of green. No one likes you. People pretend to like you but really they just eat you after they’ve drenched you in ranch dressing or blue cheese or because their mouths are on fire after eating wings and they’ll shove anything down their throats to stop the crying and screaming.
And why do you pop up in the most unexpected places, like the pasta salad I was eating as part of my lunch today? I was lucky enough to score a free lunch, and then you had to appear in my mouth with your gross taste and completely ruin those ten seconds of my life it took me to swig some Diet Pepsi and forget you had slipped past me in an attempt to – what? Make me like you? It’s been 24 years, Celery. I’m beyond a simple dislike or a “she’ll grow out of it” phase. I outright hate you. So if you don’t mind, quit appearing in my food and I’ll quit remembering that you exist.
XO,
Christina
Dear celery,
Don’t worry, I like you. [It’s the tomatoes I loathe. Shh.]
love,
Amy.
Oh don’t worry, Amy, tomatoes are on my list too. I have a very uneasy relationship with them.
I hate celery with a passion. It’s so tasteless, stringy and disgusting - and I’ve always had this sneaking suspicion that restaurants put it in dishes as a “filler” food.
“Hey, we’re out of real vegetables - what should I put in the soup?!”
“Oh, just throw in some celery. They’ll never know!”
so for me, its not just celery and tomato’s. its also spinach, green peppers, red peppers, onions, carrots, broccoli, cauliflower, green beans, pinto beans, black eyed peas, zucchini, squash, asparagus, radishes, mushrooms, brussel sprouts, bean sprouts, pretty much all sprouts, well, i guess pretty much all vegetables. sigh………… so i guess the logical question is how am i going to get skinny for your wedding? why must carbs have so many calories? why can;’t i be a veggie junkie? just wondering. love you guys and see you tomorrow for some taco’s. love mama
Eh, celery’s not so bad, especially with peanut butter. Asparagus is pretty awful.
Mama - Wish we could have had tacos yesterday, but Monte Cello’s was delicious too!
Andrea - I love asparagus! Roasted asparagus with a little bit of salt … delicious.
Do you think celery likes you? Jeez, it doesn’t have much of a life and then it gets eaten by people who insult it. It lost in the genetic lottery so just leave it alone.
Celery is very nice and great with a lot of ranch dressing. What kind of creep would insult a tomato!!!!I have Tony Soprano’s number.