Broccoli and cucumber courtesy of my garden; cocktails courtesy of Boyd & Blair.

Downloading iTunes. (Yes, I know it’s 2009. I haven’t downloaded a song since Kazaa was king, which means since my sophomore year of college.)

Ordering a Dirty Pickle the next time I go to a classy bar, which is to say, perhaps sometime in the next five years.

Making kale chips with the ungodly amount of greens I am still receiving from my CSA every week.

Painting my toenails.

That is all.

Why are you so disgusting? Seriously. Also – why do you exist? You taste so bad, and your texture is so stringy, and you are a droopy shade of green. No one likes you. People pretend to like you but really they just eat you after they’ve drenched you in ranch dressing or blue cheese or because their mouths are on fire after eating wings and they’ll shove anything down their throats to stop the crying and screaming.

And why do you pop up in the most unexpected places, like the pasta salad I was eating as part of my lunch today? I was lucky enough to score a free lunch, and then you had to appear in my mouth with your gross taste and completely ruin those ten seconds of my life it took me to swig some Diet Pepsi and forget you had slipped past me in an attempt to – what? Make me like you? It’s been 24 years, Celery. I’m beyond a simple dislike or a “she’ll grow out of it” phase. I outright hate you. So if you don’t mind, quit appearing in my food and I’ll quit remembering that you exist.

XO,
Christina

make Christina a very happy gal.